Caregivers of Older Adults

Mom was always ready to get up and go – anywhere – to church, shopping, or just to visit old friends.  The changes appeared gradually, she was sleeping so much more, her energy and appetite had decreased and she seemed to be much less concerned with her physical appearance.   Although she had just celebrated her 90^th birthday, she was in good health, except for the customary difficulties that often accompany aging such as hearing and vision problems.  It never once occurred to anyone in the family that mom could possibly be depressed!

The last time I saw Helen was at a planning meeting for our 25^th high school reunion.  While we weren’t the closest of friends during our time in school, reminiscing and catching up during all our meetings helped us create a new kind of friendship.  As we shared the many things we had in common, marriage, divorce, children, and a multitude of grandkids; we also promised to keep in touch after the reunion.  Life does have a way of moving right along and twenty-five years later, now planning our 50^th reunion, Helen and I never fulfilled our promise to stay in contact.  That is until I received a call from a mutual friend, Helen was in hospice.

“Mom didn’t have the usual symptoms of a urinary tract infection, no burning, no odor, no frequency but she did have a profound change in behavior, she slept all day, wouldn’t get out of bed and her normal cheerful demeanor became diminished and agitated.   I was so concerned that it was something much more serious.”

“I have tried, I have given, I just can't take anymore. I am exhausted and feel like I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I have never even had one day alone in my home in 10 years.”

“We are all aging, but unfortunately, I cannot say with confidence that if any one of us becomes incapacitated that a robust system is in place to protect our person and our financial assets.” Senator Gordon H. Smith

Departing on a recent recent business trip I was carrying a heavy backpack and pulling two large suitcases, but it wasn’t until I dropped these off at the airline counter that I felt such relief in my shoulders, arms and back.  The reprieve from the bags was so significant that for the next few hours all I could think about was the metaphor for baggage and began to reflect on the bags we often carry through life.

So the first three letters got your attention – yes SEX sells – but more importantly sex can provide that much needed connection that is part of humanity.  The following quote from the book Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter encapsulates the importance of the increased need for touch especially in the Golden Years.

“I once attended a Navajo blessing ceremony, held in a tepee on the red sand of the Sonoran desert. The tepee was set up with great reverence, since to the Navajo, it symbolized the womb from which we all emerge, and the tent poles were "the bones of our grandmother." The word grandparents was spoken often and lovingly throughout the ceremony. The group's silver-haired matriarch quietly reigned over the gathering, with everyone else poised to supply her needs. It was a graceful dance of mutual care, with the elderly at the center.” Author Martha Beck

The calendar may officially signal spring time while many parts of the country are still covered in snow.  Nonetheless as Easter approaches, minds turn to so many bright and beautiful thoughts or as Mark Twain so eloquently put it, “It’s spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!

Today, 14 million people identify themselves as Jewish, with approximately 40% of these individuals residing in the United States.  As with all different cultures and religions, the rapidly changing demographics of the aging population with the added challenges of chronic illnesses, spiritual needs and understanding of their culture are of great importance.  Today’s Jewish elders, their families and caregivers are searching for meaning, purpose and community within their Jewish traditions.