Caregivers of Older Adults Blog | Elder Care Issues (9)

How often do we see someone in a wheelchair or in a hospital or nursing home and not even notice or acknowledge the caregiver close by? On a recent Twitter Chat, the topic of discussion was loneliness among seniors and family caregivers.  The conversation lit up with comments from professional as well as family caregivers and their responses were often times heart breaking:

As you place your hand on the doorknob to enter a room do you ever stop to think about what you might encounter on the other side of that door? What will you find or experience as you step over the threshold? Anytime we are about to walk into a room what waits for us on the other side of the door may be an expected scene or perhaps something so surprising and unanticipated that it may change our life or the life of someone else! As caregivers, regardless of whether we are caring for someone in our home, a nursing home, hospital or hospice, we probably experience these moments of not knowing what to expect each and every time we walk through the door to extend care for our patient or loved one. Learning ways to cope with what often times is unexpected is an important aspect of caregiving.

We all knew the day was coming – it was just a matter of time and that time came when mom no longer felt safe in the home she and dad had shared for over 40 years.  Dad had died very suddenly two weeks after celebrating his 70^th birthday, making mom a widow at the age of 65. Even with the support of her neighbors and having me and my siblings close at hand, it became very difficult for mom to live alone. The depression and anxiety that plagued her for the next few years was difficult for us to understand and cope with. A family meeting was called and decisions were made that would mean the beginning of a new life for mom and certainly for me too.

We all do it! New Year’s resolutions are always made with great intentions!  We’re going to eat better, lose weight, sleep more, watch less television, smell the roses, and complain less!   These resolutions stack up pretty closely to most Americans since according to the University of Scranton, the top 10 New Year's resolutions are:

And I thought my life was complicated while raising four kids, working, and going to school!  Caring for an aging parent offers a totally different kind of reality especially if the one you are caring for is not accustomed to having someone else do the caring!

I remember so clearly the day I asked my sister if she could stay with our 88 year old mom for just a few hours while I ran some errands and just took some time for a much needed breather.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and we have a great relationship, but her response to me that day, “Well, what do you want me to do with her?” almost put me over the edge!  Not wanting it to become a family crisis, I offered some suggestions and didn’t look back, at least not until I could compose myself. 

“Objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear" was a message that became widely recognized after an iconic scene in the movie Jurassic Park.   When the passengers in a high-flying jeep were trying to make their escape from the T-Rex chasing them, these words took on a different meaning and the need for a more dramatic and immediate response.