Caregivers of Older Adults Blog | Elder Care Issues (10)

The best memories of growing up are those of waking before the sun came up, packing the car to the brim with every conceivable item needed and heading to the beach for a few days.  Not only was it the excitement of the anticipated hours splashing in the water, hunting for the best sea shells or sleeping late, but it was also the journey along the way.  Although the beach was only a few hours away, it was a tradition that we stop at a park halfway to our destination and enjoy the scrumptious cold chicken and potato salad mom had made especially for the trip.  Those are the memories that most often got me through some dark and dreary winter days or even times when things got tough at school.  I could always close my eyes and remember the feel of the fresh morning air or hear the squawking seagulls but more importantly revive the sense of freedom, leaving cares and worries behind.

Olivia’s mother lives down the street and has relied on her for help since her father died three years ago. Olivia is a single mom with three school age children who also rely on her to keep their household running smoothly.  Lately, she finds it difficult to remain upbeat, finds little energy for going out with friends or enjoying her favorite hobbies.  This lifestyle has placed a strain on her home life as well as her job.  Olivia keeps asking how she can continue on this path, what she can do to cope with all the pressures of caring for her mother, her children and herself.  When challenges and demands are too great, they drain our physical energy, time, health and money.  

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard;
we're gonna have to work at this everyday,
but I want to do that because I want you.
I want all of you, forever, everyday.
You and me... everyday.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

So now you’ve joined the ranks of an estimated 65 million American caregivers (National Alliance for Caregiving and Evercare, 2009).   If you have recently become a caregiver for a family member, friend or neighbor, this may be a good time to do some serious thinking about what is expected of you in this role.  Although there are as many different scenarios in caregiving as there are caregivers, here are some tried and true tips that may help you get started.  First and foremost is to remember to take care of YOU!  The following link to the Caregiver’s Bill of Rights by Jo Horne is a good place to start because it begins with “I have the right…to take care of myself.  This is not an act of selfishness.  It will give me the capability of taking better care of my relative.” http://www.caregiver.com/articles/caregiver/caregiver_bill_of_rights.htm

The shift in medical practices often happens without much notice from the general population; as in the case of pediatrics and geriatrics. While the specialized focus of pediatrics, which is the medical specialty dealing with the development and care of children, did not begin to emerge in Europe until the 18th century, it wasn’t until early in the 20th century that the first well-child clinics were established to monitor and study the normal growth and development of children. With the emerging blitz of Boomers, there is a valid concern about the number of future physicians who will be caring for an aging population as indicated in a recent article entitled “Pediatrics to Geriatrics?” By Elizabeth R. McAnarney, that states,

The last time I saw Helen was at a planning meeting for our 25^th high school reunion.  While we weren’t the closest of friends during our time in school, reminiscing and catching up during all our meetings helped us create a new kind of friendship.  As we shared the many things we had in common, marriage, divorce, children, and a multitude of grandkids; we also promised to keep in touch after the reunion.  Life does have a way of moving right along and twenty-five years later, now planning our 50^th reunion, Helen and I never fulfilled our promise to stay in contact.  That is until I received a call from a mutual friend, Helen was in hospice.

“I have tried, I have given, I just can't take anymore. I am exhausted and feel like I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I have never even had one day alone in my home in 10 years.”

iPhones and iPads were probably just a fantasy that only the Jetsons could have imaged in their futuristic utopia of elaborate robotic contraptions in the early 1960s.  Yet here we are in 2013 with all the latest technology providing every conceivable convenience imaginable by a mere touch of our fingertips.  What does this mean for the very much hands-on caregiver?  Ever wonder what it would have been like for George Jetson in his make-believe world to care for his aging mother-in-law?  Perhaps that could have provided us with some interesting concepts of caregiving.

Julia sat with her mom during their weekly visit.  With the diminished capacity of dementia, her mother would soon forget she had ever been there. In a moment of profound sadness and exasperation Julia said quietly to herself: