Caregivers of Older Adults Blog | Spirituality & Aging

We often hear that one way to keep our brains sharp is to learn new skills.  Learning new words and their meaning certainly falls in that category.  The word “Grok” was actually coined by Robert A. Heiniein for his 1961 science-fiction novel, Stranger in a Strange Land.  The Oxford English Dictionary defines to grok as “to understand intuitively or by empathy; to establish rapport with” and “to empathize or communicate sympathetically (with); also, to experience enjoyment”.  Now that undoubtedly sounds like family caregiving!

May is the month designated to celebrate Older Americans and we’re reminded of getting older when we see the celebrities on the cover of the AARP magazine getting younger and younger with each issue. At what point do we become “older” and perhaps feel we’ve just gone over the proverbial hill? AARP has become the standard-bearer for determining the age to become old officially at 50 by sending an invitation to join the ranks of everyone 50 and older! Not so fast, AARP also reported on a Canadian study showing that “our cognitive-motor skills – meaning the speed at which we process something and then react to it – peak by age 24, then begin to diminish slowly.”  Now speed certainly isn’t everything – anyone over 50 can tell you that! What some older folks may lack in speed, they can certainly make up for in strategy, efficiency and pulling from years of experience and knowledge skills.

At a time when our youth-oriented culture encourages all to cling tightly to our fast-fading youth, when is the time to truly embrace our age and revel in the well deserved time of honoring and accepting with full gratitude the time we have left? Often we get so caught up in the past and wanting to recapture or reclaim the springtime of our lives without recognizing the many blessings of the present and the years still ahead. In her book, The Gift of Years, author Joan Chittister writes in a chapter about aging and letting go, “A burden of these years is the temptation to cling to the times and things behind us rather than move to the liberating moments ahead.”

While the earliest history of Mothers Day dates back to the ancient annual spring festival when the Greeks dedicated this day to maternal goddesses, the history of Mothers Day also goes back to the 1600s in England. This was named Mothering Sunday and it was celebrated annually on the fourth Sunday of Lent to honor mothers. America didn’t get on board until 1908 when Anna Javis first suggested having a national observance of an annual day honoring all mothers because she had loved her mother so much. It actually took an act of congress and in 1914 President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.

How often do we see someone in a wheelchair or in a hospital or nursing home and not even notice or acknowledge the caregiver close by? On a recent Twitter Chat, the topic of discussion was loneliness among seniors and family caregivers.  The conversation lit up with comments from professional as well as family caregivers and their responses were often times heart breaking:

As you place your hand on the doorknob to enter a room do you ever stop to think about what you might encounter on the other side of that door? What will you find or experience as you step over the threshold? Anytime we are about to walk into a room what waits for us on the other side of the door may be an expected scene or perhaps something so surprising and unanticipated that it may change our life or the life of someone else! As caregivers, regardless of whether we are caring for someone in our home, a nursing home, hospital or hospice, we probably experience these moments of not knowing what to expect each and every time we walk through the door to extend care for our patient or loved one. Learning ways to cope with what often times is unexpected is an important aspect of caregiving.

In South Texas, we’re pretty accustomed to 100-degree weather in the summer, but winters’ occasional freezes, icy roads, and temperatures in the mid-twenties cause all kinds of havoc.  Much to the delight of children and probably teachers, school closings are common, along with a record number of car accidents and that’s without a trace of snow on the ground. But it may also be those dark dreary days of winter that can sometimes cause the elderly and may be even their caregivers to feel depressed or just out of sorts. Perhaps it’s just a matter of becoming resilient to our particular circumstances that helps all of us withstand the test of whatever challenges we deal with on a regular basis. 

A mother-daughter relationship can be quite complex.  Beatrice was not the oldest in her family, she wasn’t the closest to her parents nor was she particularly fond of her mother, with whom she had always struggled to find a connection.  But now her mom was widowed, in her late eighties and in need of assistance due to severe health issues.  When her older sister called to let her know their mom could no longer live alone and would need someone to stay with her, and asked her to consider being the caregiver, Beatrice was stunned!  Could she do it?  Would this possibly be an opportunity to finally make things right with her mom?  Was it too late for that relationship she had always wanted?  As these questions all swirled around in her head, she decided with much trepidation to plunge into the role of caregiver feeling this might be her last chance to make up for all the lost years of being estranged from her mother.