Caregiver Training Blog

Olivia’s mother lives down the street and has relied on her for help since her father died three years ago. Olivia is a single mom with three school age children who also rely on her to keep their household running smoothly.  Lately, she finds it difficult to remain upbeat, finds little energy for going out with friends or enjoying her favorite hobbies.  This lifestyle has placed a strain on her home life as well as her job.  Olivia keeps asking how she can continue on this path, what she can do to cope with all the pressures of caring for her mother, her children and herself.  When challenges and demands are too great, they drain our physical energy, time, health and money.  

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard;
we're gonna have to work at this everyday,
but I want to do that because I want you.
I want all of you, forever, everyday.
You and me... everyday.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

So now you’ve joined the ranks of an estimated 65 million American caregivers (National Alliance for Caregiving and Evercare, 2009).   If you have recently become a caregiver for a family member, friend or neighbor, this may be a good time to do some serious thinking about what is expected of you in this role.  Although there are as many different scenarios in caregiving as there are caregivers, here are some tried and true tips that may help you get started.  First and foremost is to remember to take care of YOU!  The following link to the Caregiver’s Bill of Rights by Jo Horne is a good place to start because it begins with “I have the right…to take care of myself.  This is not an act of selfishness.  It will give me the capability of taking better care of my relative.” http://www.caregiver.com/articles/caregiver/caregiver_bill_of_rights.htm

In the mid to late sixties the folk rock group The Mamas & The Papas splashed on to the recording scene with hits such as California Dreaming – remember?  It was several years ago while working in a university office when during a weekly luncheon meeting we realized that there were at least six of us caring for elderly parents.  What began soon after was an impromptu gathering of a support group we fittingly named “The Mamas & The Papas.” The group made way for a much needed and long overdue discussion about what everyone was doing to stay sane and find ways to better cope with the stresses and responsibilities of caregiving.  Word made its’ way quickly around the small university and before long “The Mamas & The Papas” group welcomed caregiving spouses and even students helping care for grandparents. 

The shift in medical practices often happens without much notice from the general population; as in the case of pediatrics and geriatrics. While the specialized focus of pediatrics, which is the medical specialty dealing with the development and care of children, did not begin to emerge in Europe until the 18th century, it wasn’t until early in the 20th century that the first well-child clinics were established to monitor and study the normal growth and development of children. With the emerging blitz of Boomers, there is a valid concern about the number of future physicians who will be caring for an aging population as indicated in a recent article entitled “Pediatrics to Geriatrics?” By Elizabeth R. McAnarney, that states,

The last time I saw Helen was at a planning meeting for our 25^th high school reunion.  While we weren’t the closest of friends during our time in school, reminiscing and catching up during all our meetings helped us create a new kind of friendship.  As we shared the many things we had in common, marriage, divorce, children, and a multitude of grandkids; we also promised to keep in touch after the reunion.  Life does have a way of moving right along and twenty-five years later, now planning our 50^th reunion, Helen and I never fulfilled our promise to stay in contact.  That is until I received a call from a mutual friend, Helen was in hospice.

“I have tried, I have given, I just can't take anymore. I am exhausted and feel like I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I have never even had one day alone in my home in 10 years.”

Departing on a recent recent business trip I was carrying a heavy backpack and pulling two large suitcases, but it wasn’t until I dropped these off at the airline counter that I felt such relief in my shoulders, arms and back.  The reprieve from the bags was so significant that for the next few hours all I could think about was the metaphor for baggage and began to reflect on the bags we often carry through life.

The calendar may officially signal springtime while many parts of the country are still covered in snow.  Nonetheless as Easter approaches, minds turn to so many bright and beautiful thoughts or as Mark Twain so eloquently put it, “It’s spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heartache, you want it so!