Caregivers of Older Adults Blog | Alzheimer's (3)

From the Seven Wonders of the World to seven days of the week – the number seven appears over and over in history and is considered for many reasons to be the number of perfection. So instead of waiting to celebrate the traditional ten or twenty-year anniversary – mmLearn.org is celebrating our seven years of producing top-notch videos with presenters providing the latest and best caregiver resources available.

Growing up right in the middle of an older sister, Janie, and Ruth, her younger sister, Joyce never really gave much thought to what that would mean when her parents got older and the expectations that would be placed on her. Busy with her own life, working alongside her husband, Mark, in their family business, it didn’t take long for her to realize that her ailing fathers’ need for caregiving was more than her mother could handle. Always the one to take the initiative in her family, Joyce made visits to her parents several times a week making sure bills were paid, the house was clean, groceries were stocked and when the time came, made the very difficult decision to place her dad in a nursing facility. While this move did lessen the burden on her mother, it also meant that Joyce was now making those weekly visits to both her father in the nursing home and her mother, who was at this point developing some critical health issues of her own, having been diagnosed with early-onset dementia.

The headline read “Lost elderly man found disoriented 180 miles from home.” This type of occurrence is becoming all too familiar as our population ages and has more risk factors associated with different types of dementia which causes cognitive decline. Traditionally the very word elopement conjured up romantic images of a couple running off to some far-away place to marry secretly without letting family or friends in on their plans. Unfortunately, in today’s aging society elopement and wandering are often common behaviors exhibited when the disease process impairs judgment; thereby putting their safety and well-being much more at risk.

A mother-daughter relationship can be quite complex.  Beatrice was not the oldest in her family, she wasn’t the closest to her parents nor was she particularly fond of her mother, with whom she had always struggled to find a connection.  But now her mom was widowed, in her late eighties and in need of assistance due to severe health issues.  When her older sister called to let her know their mom could no longer live alone and would need someone to stay with her, and asked her to consider being the caregiver, Beatrice was stunned!  Could she do it?  Would this possibly be an opportunity to finally make things right with her mom?  Was it too late for that relationship she had always wanted?  As these questions all swirled around in her head, she decided with much trepidation to plunge into the role of caregiver feeling this might be her last chance to make up for all the lost years of being estranged from her mother.

Olivia’s mother lives down the street and has relied on her for help since her father died three years ago. Olivia is a single mom with three school age children who also rely on her to keep their household running smoothly.  Lately, she finds it difficult to remain upbeat, finds little energy for going out with friends or enjoying her favorite hobbies.  This lifestyle has placed a strain on her home life as well as her job.  Olivia keeps asking how she can continue on this path, what she can do to cope with all the pressures of caring for her mother, her children and herself.  When challenges and demands are too great, they drain our physical energy, time, health and money.  

Julia sat with her mom during their weekly visit.  With the diminished capacity of dementia, her mother would soon forget she had ever been there. In a moment of profound sadness and exasperation Julia said quietly to herself:

As an adult son or daughter you have finally made the difficult decision to hire a private duty caregiver for your mom – but where do you begin?  How do you know what questions to ask, what to look for, who to go to?  Hiring someone to care for an elderly parent can present some challenges and requires research and patience to ensure a good fit.  Whether going through an agency or hiring someone on your own, there are certain steps that must be taken in order to avert potential problems or unintended consequences and liabilities at a later date.