There is a line in the poem Mending Wall by Robert Frost that reads, “Good fences make good neighbors.” Now the poet may not have had caregivers in mind, but this analogy certainly gives plenty of food for thought when it comes to the caregiver and the care receiver.
As an adult son or daughter you have finally made the difficult decision to hire a private duty caregiver for your mom – but where do you begin? How do you know what questions to ask, what to look for, who to go to? Hiring someone to care for an elderly parent can present some challenges and requires research and patience to ensure a good fit. Whether going through an agency or hiring someone on your own, there are certain steps that must be taken in order to avert potential problems or unintended consequences and liabilities at a later date.
During this year of political debates, elections and unending speeches, it may be difficult to remember some of the assertions made just a few years ago about death panels. You may recall the fire storms ignited with the suggestion that the government would set up boards to determine whether seniors and the disabled were worthy of care. What was especially troublesome and frightening for the elderly and their caregivers was the idea of death panels or rationing to control healthcare costs. With all the rhetoric and accusations from one side to the other, the average person probably found these claims difficult to understand.
If you are a caregiver for a family member or other loved one, you’ve probably heard more than once, “You need to take care of yourself.” This is certainly something that is easier said than done especially if you are a primary caregiver. Most family caregivers did not prepare to take on this role, it’s not something they planned for or just decided one day to do because they have always wanted to see what it was like. No, most caregivers usually fall into this role, quite literally, because there is no one else that is able or willing to do it. Does this create stress? Absolutely!
“…When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone. Did you hear me – I’m living alone! I’m living alone!” Words from a precocious eight year old Macaulay Culkin in the popular 1990 movie Home Alone may somehow resonate with an 80 or 90 year old wanting to live independently and not in a nursing home or residential facility. Growing up – do you remember how you could hardly wait to become independent of your parents – to move out to a place you could call your very own? Just because a person gets older does not mean they are ready to give up the idea of independence; unfortunately, independence does become more difficult to maintain as life progresses.
A study by the U.S. Administration on Aging, A Profile of Older Americans: 2011, reported the following:
In 1993, almost half of people diagnosed with diabetes were older than 65, making type 2 diabetes a common occurrence in elderly patients.
Elderly patients pose unique cases, as self-management of diabetes comes with greater difficulties once age impairs cognitive functions and inhibits the ability to safely make changes in exercise and diet. Additionally, identifying and responding to hypoglycemia, which medication may cause, becomes more difficult with age.
Boom...Boom…Boom! Each day the Boom…Boom…Boom of the encroaching onslaught of what we have so aptly named the "Boomer Generation" gets louder and louder. We have tried everything to drown out the approaching sound by making 60 the new 40, with Botox injections, face lifts, knee and hip replacements, erectile enhancements and so much more, but the sound doesn’t go away. It’s there in every creviced wrinkle and excruciating knee pain every morning as we get up to face the day, only to remind us how little we have prepared for this time in our lives.
Caregivers come in all ages, shapes and sizes, but what they don’t come with is a universally accepted one-word Spanish translation for the word “caregiver.” Strange? Not really. In the Latino culture caring for someone, particularly an aging parent or spouse is a responsibility not taken lightly and one steeped in tradition with words filled with promises and commitments to the elders. It is not unusual to learn that words such as coping or stress for a caregiver are not used since it would imply a burden, instead of the kind of duty that is carried out obediently and respectfully.
Visiting a nursing home in an attempt to deliver Christmas cheer along with some fruit and warm socks to those who did not often get visitors was an annual tradition for me and my four young daughters. But, one that my daughters did not always find rewarding. Instead, they complained that it “smelled funny” or that the elders’ attempts to touch their young, fresh faces made them uncomfortable. But for the most part, many of the residents sat silently, looking vacantly, perhaps into a past that only they could enter. Undeterred and with a promise of ice cream cones after the visit, we continued this tradition for many years.
During the late 1950’s and early 1960’s when people talked about family dynamics it would probably have conjured up images of “Father Knows Best” or “Leave it to Beaver” where everyone got along or any problems they had were magically resolved within the 30-minute time slot. Not so today! Family dynamics are so very complicated that it probably has some folks thinking a trip to the nostalgic days of the syrupy sitcoms wouldn’t be so bad!
